PART 1: When the Holidays Hurt

Facing Holidays and Special Dates When You’re Grieving a Loved One

There’s something about the holidays — the lights, the music, the familiar smells in the kitchen — that can make absence feel louder. When you’ve lost someone you love, those “special days” don’t always feel so special anymore.

The calendar might say Thanksgiving or Christmas, but your heart whispers, “They should be here.” I know that feeling too well. After losing my brother, birthdays and holidays suddenly carried a weight I didn’t expect. Every tradition became a reminder of his laughter missing from the room.

But over time, I began to realize something sacred: I didn’t have to avoid those days — I could reshape them.

Grief has no respect for dates. It shows up when you least expect it — in a song at the store, a family recipe, or when someone says, “remember when.”

Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays can reopen wounds you thought had healed. Society expects celebration, but your soul may crave silence. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means you loved deeply.

In those moments, faith became my quiet strength. I started lighting a candle each Thanksgiving morning — one small flame representing my brother’s light still burning within us.

It reminded me that love isn’t limited by time or space; it’s eternal. Whether you pray, meditate, or simply sit in gratitude, inviting your spirituality into your grief transforms pain into peace.

Even Jesus wept for His friends. So it’s okay to feel — you’re allowed to cry, to laugh, to rest, to remember. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting.

Here are a few ways that helped me face those hard dates with compassion and grace:

1. Create a new ritual – Light a candle, make their favorite dish, or set an extra place at the table in their honor.

2. Allow yourself to say “no” – You don’t have to attend every event or keep every tradition. Give yourself permission to protect your peace.

3. Share a story – Tell someone one thing your loved one taught you. Speaking their name keeps their memory alive.

4. Write them a letter – Journaling what you wish you could say helps your heart release the weight it carries.

5. Seek community – Whether through a faith group, therapist, or grief support meeting, let others walk with you.

If you’re looking at your calendar and it feels heavy, know this: you don’t have to walk through these days pretending to be okay. You can grieve and still be grateful. You can cry and still find moments of joy.

Love remains — it just changes shape.

And somewhere in that quiet space between memory and faith, you’ll find hope again.

If this message spoke to you, share it with someone who might need comfort this season.